I’ve decided to try a new feature. I say try, because I know myself all too well. As a Libra I tend to go with my own flow so setting any new discipline for myself usually falls by the wayside. In my advancing decrepitude I’m learning to cut myself some slack, though. I spent too many years in the corporate workforce to allow my retirement to follow those old rules and regs concerning being a winner. I won already, ok? I made it through commuting, single parenting and climbing the ladder to come out relatively sane. All this is to say I may or may not continue this as a weekly feature. It depends on my mood, energy, and motivation. Here goes.

• TELEVISION: Anything about Roman history. I’ve almost memorized all the emperors in date order, although it gets a little fuzzy after Constantine. Last night a friend and I were talking about this and he asked me which emperors I preferred. I didn’t really know how to answer, because they all were a bit dickish, but I rather like Commodus, and I’ve always liked Claudius. Caligula was bad, but I think some of his bad press was propaganda, and I sort of feel sorry for Nero, probably because he never was emperor material, being a musician and poet. Might be why he cracked up in the end. I think he might have fared better if his barber had given him a better beard.
• FOOD: Sometimes a girl just has to have her black licorice. And not Twizzlers! Hate those. They do weird color changes to your, well, trust me. Certain things should NOT come out Nyquil green. Because our local grocery quit carrying Scottie Dogs, I have to resort to the Red Vines brand. I would buy Panda, but the local health food store went out of business.
• DRINK: Coke Zero. Because it’s too warm for wine and beer makes me feel bloated.
• MUSIC: Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of 70s music, mostly the stuff that came out of Laurel Canyon.
• PC GAMES: Yes, I play them. Last week I was into building games (Ancient Rome 2 — go figure), but this week I’m liking match-3 games. Current favorite: Classic Jewel Quest. By the way the links point to a great place to download absolutely free, safe, full games.
• WASTE OF TIME: Daydreaming of just where I’d choose to live if someone offered to enable that for us. I confess I’m still rather hung up on Woodstock, NY, but I’m still dreaming of England. Last week I wanted to live in Wellington, New Zealand, but then I learned that country’s situated on two huge tectonic plates, and a “big one” is expected at anytime. There’s also tsunamis and volcanoes to consider, plus we’d never see anyone ever again so this week it’s a toss up between Woodstock and England.

We’ll see if I continue this silliness.

SK Waller is an author and composer. Books One and Two (With A Dream and With A Bullet) of her rock and roll series, Beyond The Bridge, takes places in late 70s London. Read more at SK Waller SKWaller.com.

Anti-social or just getting more picky? Baby boomers are less socially engaged than people the same age 20 years ago according to a Stanford Center on Longevity study. How do you define social engagement you might be asking? The Center defined it as something measured by involvement with family, friends, neighbors, spouses, as well as work, volunteer or community activities.

Are we deliberately pulling back on social commitments or is it due to lack of time or other pressures. Baby boomers are the sandwich generation after all, and they may be caring for elderly parents while their children may still live under their roof. The need to continue working for financial considerations is also a factor. Boomers have also moved frequently during their careers and that has limited longer-term interpersonal relations.

I recently had a discussion where a group of baby boomers agreed that while face to face socialization and bonding over common interests might be desirable, the same connection via the internet might be more satisfying and even more efficient. A hypothetical group of stamp collectors might dislike each other’s politics if they met in person, but the internet interaction helps to keep the focus on stamps. So even polarization has been a factor in discouraging more face to face interactions.

Texting and email have definitely made it easier to stay in touch with “your people.” Is that a bad thing? I don’t believe it is, but some of the Stanford researchers are concerned about what’s lost when boomers back away from meaningful engagement. Keeping to ourselves may not be good for our communities that need volunteers, mentors and civic minded participants.

I don’t foresee boomers becoming so isolated that their communities suffer as a good percentage of them will continue to be socially engaged. We may be trying to find that happy medium where we maintain quality real time people interactions along with social media interactions. Bottom line, it’s too soon to label boomers and people who don’t need people. In fact, we need people more than ever but we’re redefining how we maintain those relationships.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. His mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also visit his author page here.

I grew up under a mantra: “Girls can’t… whatever.” I don’t even remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. People didn’t ask girls that question in the 1950s. At least, not where I grew up. I wasn’t aware—not consciously—of living under any restrictions, but they were there all the same, looming over me like a huge, tightly clenched fist. I didn’t feel sorry for myself, it’s just the way it was.

When I wanted to be a doctor my mother said, “Girls can’t be doctors. You’d have to be a nurse.” But I didn’t want to be a nurse. I wanted to be a surgeon so I watched a television show that showed surgeries, albeit in black and white, until my parents decided it wasn’t interesting. When I wanted to be a jockey my mother said, “Girls can’t be jockeys. You’d have to marry a rich rancher.” But I didn’t want to marry a rancher so I watched National Velvet on TV. When I wanted to be an architect, my mother said, “Girls can’t be architects. You’d have to be a secretary.” But I didn’t want to be a secretary so I drew my own blueprints of houses, hotels, and even an entire holiday village. This mantra was always followed with, “You can always get married.”

To be fair, being a surgeon was out because my parents couldn’t afford to put me through medical school, and being a jockey was out because they also couldn’t afford the upkeep of a horse, never mind jockey school. They could, however, afford to get me some of the tools I needed to make architecture a hobby. My mother telling me you can’t was her way of saying they couldn’t afford… whatever. 

I’ve always had a certain house in mind. A dream house, if you will, a house I’ve designed over and over both in my head and on paper. Before the mid-to-late 1960s I’d never seen an architectural style like it, but I have to admit, the vision morphed and redesigned itself through the years as I borrowed elements that I found attractive in any given era.

So, here are some names for you, Mom.

• Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell (1821–1910) – First female US surgeon.
• Diane Crump (1948- ) – First female US jockey
• Lousie Blanchard Bethune (1856-1915) – First female US architect

There have been many, many women who followed in the footsteps of these pioneers.

SK Waller is an author and composer. Books One and Two (With A Dream and With A Bullet) of her rock and roll series, Beyond The Bridge, takes places in late 70s London. Read more at SK Waller SKWaller.com.

I saw a promotion recently for a Netflix documentary about Bobby Kennedy. A black screen featured the overlay of large red numerals for 1968 and it struck me that I had forgotten what a tumultuous year that was. We think we are living in crazy times now, but in 1968 many baby boomers felt a loss of innocence that probably has stuck with us to this day.

The year began with the realization that the war in Vietnam was lost. Walter Cronkite of CBS news said so and we trusted him. Peace with honor was a bullshit way of saying stick a fork in it and the loss of life for this lost cause still boggles the mind, as does the after the fact realization that the war was prolonged for purely political gain.

Eugene McCarthy won the New Hampshire Democratic primary in March and LBJ announced his withdrawal from the race. Everyone was shocked.

More shocking still was the assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. in April. The riots that followed underscored the simmering resentment and frustration that African Americans felt when it came to their civil rights in a country that prided itself on believing that all men are created equal.

Just a few months later, after Bobby Kennedy had won California’s Democratic primary, he was assassinated in Los Angeles. Young baby boomers who were drawn to the charismatic politician were devastated. He represented the hope that we could be a better more compassionate nation and it felt like someone had cruelly doused the flame. His final public words have some powerful resonance still, especially at this moment in our nation’s history: “What I think is quite clear is that we can work together… And that what has been going on with the United States over the period of the last three years, the divisions, the violence, the disenchantment with our society, the divisions — whether it’s between blacks and whites, between the poor and the more affluent, or between age groups, or in the war in Vietnam — that we can work together. We are a great country, an unselfish country and a compassionate country. And I intend to make that my basis for running.”

And lest you forget, this was all happening 50 years ago. Maybe the innocence is long gone, but I would like to think that the optimism and compassion are still there for millions of boomers.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. His mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also visit his author page here.

Have you thought about how you’re going to spend your time in retirement?

Since I last wrote about the role of work in retirement, I’ve been cooking, sleeping, walking, reading, playing golf and cleaning the house. I’ve also been writing and gearing up to establish my business as a communications consultant. I’m busy and sometimes wonder if I am setting myself up for the same sort of drudgery I escaped when I retired.

Afraid to fail? Afraid to succeed? What if this isn’t my passion? My life is good, and I don’t want to mess it up by taking on too much. Or taking on boring. For many of us, finding a balance between work and play will be the challenge of our older years.

Retirement is freedom, and I love having more time to pursue many interests. However, my interests include some sort of work. Paid? Maybe. Volunteer? Maybe. Work redefined. I don’t want to go back to my pre-retirement life, no regrets there, but I’m not wired to take it easy, either.

As I explained this angst to my long-suffering husband, he said, “You can’t be rudderless.” And once again, he nailed it. I need to feel a sense of purpose. Jobs gave me purpose but not always passion. Writing gives me a sense of purpose, sometimes even passion, and part of me says that should be enough. But the other part of me wants to see what else I can do. What else?

But wait. Then there’s the voice in my head that says, why can’t I be rudderless? More is not better. Would learning to handle life without a rudder be a worthy pursuit?

For me, aging well is not only about being physically active but also about engaging in intellectual pursuits, connecting with people and contributing in a meaningful way. Retirement could be 30 years or longer, and we need hopes and dreams that will carry us through to the last breath.

All that to say I’m still not sure what this 30-year gig is going to look like, but I’m choosing purpose, and I’m choosing to stay visible. Whether you are retired, just starting out or somewhere in the middle, most of us don’t find an all-encompassing passion, but purpose is attainable.

Find your rudder.

Donna Pekar is an aging badass (for real) who lives in California and writes Retirement Confidential.