- Lightly dust-spray the edges of a large picture in the most prominent space in your living room. Remove it and hide it in your garage, leaving a tell-tale vacancy on your wall. Practice pathetically saying you need help in redecorating your entire house.
- Collect and place flower shop call cards strategically close to your to-do lists so they may seen.
- Borrow a pet for her first visit. A small dog or cat will do. Place a pet bed and food bowl next to each other. Explain that your therapist recommends you get a pet for companionship.
- Obtain and earmark pages on thick books by Thomas Merton, Thich Nhat Han, Adrienne Rich and Susan Faludi next to your favorite recliner you use to watch football.
- Prominently place a copy of Phyllis Schlafly’s book in your trash basket.
- Expect a stealth inspection of your closet and medicine cabinet. A.) Hang a smoking jacket on the door of your closet. Be sure to place a cigar burn on its left sleeve. ) Place an empty bottle of Viagra in your medicine cabinet. (Do not put it next to your nitroglycerin tablets, as this is a sure sign of a death wish under embarrassing circumstances.)
- While opening the evening wine bottle, whisper to yourself how you miss scalloped potatoes and how you never get them anymore. Repeat it reluctantly when she asks what you’re whispering.
- On weekends, attach a multi-purpose tool to your jean’s belt. Tape up your index finger least you be asked to fix or repair something.
- Wear a disheveled tie on your first date to a charity ball. Make no effort to correct it. Be ready. This is an irresistible come-on.
- Bonus Tip: Always have an escape plan handy. Here is a good one; confess you are secretly in love with your therapist.
El Guapo is a man of impeccable refinement and besides being muy handsome, he’s considered one of the most interesting men in the world.
Over The Hill Reluctant