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Archives for August 2019

Go West

August 22, 2019 By admin

I know it seems improbable, but I keep running into famous people who purportedly died. What can I say? It’s a gift.

My latest encounter was with Mae West. She was coming out of Nordstrom Rack with an armful of shopping bags.

Wow, Mae, you bought out the place!

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”

Shopping can be addictive from what I understand.

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”

Good advice. But maybe a bad habit?

“I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”

And that was also your approach to men?

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!”

You do have a reputation for being shall we say risqué?

“Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.”

You certainly shocked some people in your day.

“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”

Well you lived your life the way you wanted. No regrets?

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

You married twice but neither lasted. What’s up with that?

“Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.”

Did you worry about your reputation at all?

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”

Happens to everyone. Do you care what people think now?

“I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”

Speaking of reputation, does it bother you to know what some people thought about you?

“When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.”

Would you consider getting married again?

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”

Well, maybe they just want to get to know you better.

“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”

Mae, I think you lived a fabulous life that people still admire today.

“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”

And it most certainly is or was. You are an impressive lady.

“I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.”

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. His mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also visit his author page here.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: FICTION

Toast

August 22, 2019 By admin

We keep appliances until they are absolutely, positively dead. The Betty Crocker toaster finally croaked, and we were trying to remember when we bought it. Was it when we lived in South Carolina? Mount Pleasant? If our memories are correct, that would make it about 25 years old.

The toaster has served us well, and now it’s time for a new one. This is where Dale and I take completely different paths. Although he sometimes lacks motivation to get other things done, he is Johnny Mission when it comes to replacing broken appliances.

I was gone all day, but Dale immediately went out and shopped for toasters at Bed, Bath & Beyond. He didn’t buy one, though, because he thought I’d want a vote … which is a polite way of saying he figured I wouldn’t like whatever it was he bought.

Dale does not appreciate my approach to purchasing new appliances. I get online and do research. I check Consumer Reports, Good Housekeeping and The Wirecutter. Oh, and Amazon reviews. I want to know test results, best overall, best value, unusual quirks.

My process served me well when our hand blender died, because I learned the biggest and baddest would not have worked for my small-batch mayonnaise. A simpler and smaller model was perfect.

I was like this before I retired, but now I’m more zealous than ever. I liked being in charge when I was working, and I guess I still like it. Dale also liked being in charge when he was working, and I don’t think he appreciates the idea of reporting to me. Sometimes in marriage and in life, you will lead, and sometimes you will follow. Retirement is an opportunity to work on the follow part. I’m getting there.

We had the toaster discussion last night. He said I know you. You’ll get online and try to find the perfect toaster with all the bells and whistles. And then I surprised myself. I said, yes, that is what I would normally do, but I’m not going to do it this time. The toaster is in your court. Whatever you choose is fine with me.

Really? Yes, really. And when I let go, I felt good. It’s just a toaster, but it’s my husband’s free will. I mean, that’s how we ended up with a red food processor, and life hasn’t come to a screeching halt. Let him be the natural born predator that he is. Set him free to hunt it down, kill it with a credit card and drag it home.

This morning I asked him about the toaster he liked at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Did it come in colors?

Yes.

OK, what colors?

White and chrome.

Which one did you like better?

White.

That’s cool.

I was thinking chrome, but I kept my mouth shut. We will soon be celebrating the arrival of a brand-new white toaster of unknown origins. I have nothing to do with it. Just following along.

Donna Pekar is an aging badass (for real) who lives in California and writes Retirement Confidential.

 

Filed Under: ESSAY

Got Books

August 22, 2019 By admin

I bought books at yard sales, estates sales, flea markets and used bookstores. There was such a store near my house called 10,000 Books. Probably could be called 9,950 thanks to me. Baseball, travel, war, animals, television, the Beatles, and other 60s and 70s rockers were my favorite subjects. I was also gifted a lot of books on those same subjects. I have books where they belong, on shelves in our living room and home office; and where they don’t, in boxes in closets, in totes and stacked on the floor next to my side of the bed.

I’m 70 now and I have a ton of books. And I don’t think I’m using “ton” euphemistically. My 1948 copy of The Library of Health is 1800 pages and it alone weighs eight pounds. Today it could fit on a chip the size of a grain of sand with room for the Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes, of which I have two.

I used to think it was cool to find, for five or 10 bucks, a coffee table copy of “The British Invasion” or Maps of Civil War Battles or The Immortal John Lennon published at 40 to 60 bucks.

Now I think it would be cool to be get rid of them, but I can’t. I lugged a hundred of them to my yard for a tag sale and nobody even looked at them. Nobody reads anymore, books at least, and everybody has a device in their pocket to tell them anything they need to know.

We’re getting a dumpster soon. Hope I don’t injure my back.

Jack Smiles and lives in Wyoming, PA. I find that sentence amusing. Not sure if he smiles because he lives in Wyoming, or because it’s in Pennsylvania.

 

Filed Under: ESSAY

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