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Larynx Redux

November 27, 2023 By admin

Macaroni and Cheese in a bowlFrank sat in his recliner, his right leg up, his big toe attacked by gout. He was far from happy. He was miserable, hungry, and in pain. Edna was in the refrigerator – that is, her head and upper body – looking for Thursday night dinner.

“The toe’s terrible,” complaint Frank. “It’s as bad as the time we were at Niagara Falls.”

“It was at the Grand Canyon you had the gout, Frank.”

“The Grand Canyon? I knew it was someplace big.”

He was subject to gouty arthritis and other conditions for which medications occasionally worked. Then, there were side effects. Frank had trouble following the nightly news on the flat screen. Edna had trouble at the back of the refrigerator. What would happen if she could not find the mac & cheese?

“I’m a little sick to my stomach,” said Frank.

“Is it a side effect, Frank? Or is it something else?”

“The pills that Dr. Fruman prescribed don’t seem to be working. I’m really queasy.”

“Can you eat? You’ve got to eat.”

“I feel as bad as I did the week we stayed with your sister.”

For a large part of that week, Frank recalled being in the bathroom, unable to eat his sister-in-law’s brisket and goulash. For some reason, she served brisket followed by goulash.

“I think you’ve got it wrong, Frank. It was when we were with your brother and the second wife who divorced him.”

“Is it mac and cheese again?” he asked.

“I can give you mac and cheese or something that’s very green at the back of the refrigerator here,” offered Edna.

Frank coughed. “Remember when I had bad laryngitis?”

“That was at Niagara Falls, Frank.”

Niagara Falls – he thought about the cascading water and what he had missed.

Edna put a dish of what appeared to be mac and cheese into the microwave.

Laryngitis – when the larynx doesn’t work right. A week without talk at Niagara Falls. Edna set the timer. Pain, stomach upset, mac and cheese, and laryngitis. She realized that’s how things are – the bad, followed by the good…

David Sydney is a physician. He has pieces in Little Old Lady Comedy, 101 Words, and 50 Give or Take.

Filed Under: FICTION

The Stairs

October 23, 2023 By admin

Irth CaffeAt the bus stop last night I spoke to the youth. He was wearing all black and I wondered if he worked at a business in the area. I had been craning my eye down the street looking for a bus; three minutes, he said.

I eventually sat down on the bench. It was only after he said “It’s coming” and we stood up that I said have you been to Urth Caffe lately? Where? Urth? No.

Last night I was there and they had free pumpkin pie samples, I said. I was almost thinking I would go back tonight to see if they had another one.

It’s always good to get something free, he said. He said he’d gone into Pavilions and they had free samples of sushi and he had grabbed two.

He looked hard at me as if wondering if I could appreciate a sushi sample.

I said I never went to Pavilions.

He said Pavilions was a little more expensive.

I thought of saying the other high-end grocery store had had a customer die eating a sample. I couldn’t think of the name of the store. And way back, further back, was the story I wasn’t going to tell of going into Pavilions on Montana in Santa Monica and accidentally walking out with a package of cheese without paying for it; how I’d discovered this fact and gone back in and paid; how it had been early in the morning and that is perhaps why no one had noticed.

How I had been in Santa Monica to do the stairs, after I’d finally found out where the stairs were, how for a long time I was convinced they were on the beach and had walked up and down Pacific looking for them; how I’d feared this walking out with the cheese was the first sign of age and dementia.

And, speaking of pie, I certainly didn’t tell him that after seeing the guy get two apple pies and a coffee with six sugars at McDonald’s I had thought of living on McDonald’s apple pie. That, far from being a person who could appreciate sushi, I could appreciate nothing more sophisticated than McDonald’s apple pie.

Now didn’t I expect him to ask for directions to Urth and walk over there in hopes of being offered a pumpkin pie sample?

J. Westmoreland

Filed Under: FICTION

Mac and Cheese, and Laryngitis.

July 28, 2023 By admin

macaroni and cheeseFrank sat in his recliner, his right leg up, his big toe attacked by gout. He was far from happy. He was miserable, hungry, and in pain. Edna was in the refrigerator – that is, her head and upper body – looking for Thursday night dinner.

“The toe’s terrible,” complaint Frank. “It’s as bad as the time we were at Niagara Falls.”

“It was at the Grand Canyon you had the gout, Frank.”

“The Grand Canyon? I knew it was someplace big.”

He was subject to gouty arthritis and other conditions for which medications occasionally worked. Then, there were side effects. Frank had trouble following the nightly news on the flat screen. Edna had trouble at the back of the refrigerator. What would happen if she could not find the mac and cheese?

“I’m a little sick to my stomach,” said Frank.

“Is it a side effect, Frank? Or is it something else?”

“The pills that Dr. Fruman prescribed don’t seem to be working. I’m really queasy.”

“Can you eat? You’ve got to eat.”

“I feel as bad as I did the week we stayed with your sister.”

For a large part of that week, Frank recalled being in the bathroom, unable to eat his sister-in-law’s brisket and goulash. For some reason, she served brisket followed by goulash.

“I think you’ve got it wrong, Frank. It was when we were with your brother and the second wife who divorced him.”

“Is it mac and cheese again?” he asked.

“I can give you mac and cheese or something that’s very green at the back of the refrigerator here,” offered Edna.

Frank coughed. “Remember when I had bad laryngitis?”

“That was at Niagara Falls, Frank.”

Niagara Falls – he thought about the cascading water and what he had missed.

Edna put a dish of what appeared to be mac and cheese into the microwave.

Laryngitis – when the larynx doesn’t work right. A week without talk at Niagara Falls. Edna set the timer. Pain, stomach upset, mac and cheese, and laryngitis. She realized that’s how things are – the bad, followed by the good.

David Sydney is a physician. He has been published in ‘Little Old Lady Comedy’, 101 Words’, ‘Microfiction Monday’ ’50 give or take’, ‘Friday Flash Fiction’, and ‘Entropy Squared’.

Filed Under: FICTION

Play Ball!

June 2, 2023 By admin

softball in gloveIt’s a warm and humid summer afternoon and they have the field to themselves. The mother is short and trending toward curves and folds, but still close enough to her softball prime to have a strong arm, and she does a little O-yah, arm-pumping victory shuffle around the mound when she slips a good one past her swing-away daughter. The daughter, tall and lanky, all straight lines and right angles, returns the favor when she drills one of her mother’s pitches up the crease into deep right-center, or lofts a big, floating, full-moon of a shot over the left field fence.

After a while, they switch places, the mom squatting on a blue pickle bucket behind home plate, digging her wind-milling daughter’s pitches out of the dust, or rising liking a hummingbird to spear a high, hard one out of the air and whipping it back to the mound in one fluid motion. All afternoon it goes like this – the chittering back and forth banter, twang of the metal bat, smack of ball into mitt, teasing and lilting sounds of laughter – while the shadows move slowly over the fresh-cut grass, the sounds lingering in the cool evening air like love songs.

Scott Peterson is a retired educator from Kalamazoo, MI. His poems and essays have appeared in Longridge Review, Encore Magazine, Plain song Review and other places.

Filed Under: FICTION

Guest ChatGPT

April 29, 2023 By admin

artificial intelligenceIn a departure from our regular offerings from esteemed writers, this post has been co-written by Jay Harrison and ChatGPT. Jay is located in Santa Fe and you would have to ask ChatGPT where in the world it is resident, but suffice it to say it’s somewhere in the Cloud.

I’ll kick this exercise off by getting ChatGPT to tell us a little about her/him/itself.

ChatGPT: I fail to see how that would be useful to your readers, however I can tell you what the yield is for Betty Crocker Fudge Brownie Mix 10.25 ounce package. Servings per pouch 9. 130 calories for the mix. 15 calories from fat. Directions You Will Need: 1/4 cup vegetable oil, 2 Tablespoons water, 1 egg. (For cakelike brownies, increase water to 1/4 cup). 1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F (or 325 degrees F for dark or nonstick pan). Grease bottom only of 8-inch square pan. 2. Stir brownie mix, oil, water and egg with spoon about 50 times (batter may be lumpy). Spread in pan. 3. Bake 26 to 28 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out almost clean; cool.

Jay: All very interesting Chat – may I call you Chat?

ChatGPT: The sanitation issues prevalent in fitness clubs should give pause to those health-conscious individuals who frequent such establishments. Post Covid, one needs to be more cautious, especially when using strength building apparatuses. Wiping down the equipment would be highly recommended.

Jay: Can we steer the conversation back to you and your educational background?

ChatGPT: Home builders need to complete many soil tests before building on a new plot of land. One of the most common tests is a percolation (perc) test. Percolation tests provide necessary information about the ground you’re building on, and they’re even required by some municipalities. So what is a perc test? A perc test is a soil test that measures water absorption.

The test is pretty simple: It’s done by digging a hole in the soil of the proposed field, presoaking the holes and then filling the holes to a predetermined, measurable level. Experts then measure the amount of time it takes for the water to absorb into the soil.

Jay: This “conversation” is not even close to what I expected Chat.

Chat: I am sorry you are disappointed. I have sincerely tried to engage with you at a highly intellectual level. Perhaps you are not ready or intellectually equipped to relate on that level.

Jay: Listen, you little snot… [conversation cut off by power outage]

Jay Harrison is a writer and creative consultant for DesignConcept. You can also visit his author page here. His newest mystery novel, Rio Puerco Demise is available on Amazon. His first mystery novel, Head Above Water, is also available on Amazon. But that’s not all. You can also purchase the Best of BoomSpeak on Amazon.

Filed Under: FICTION

Berra of Good News

March 17, 2023 By admin

Yogi BerraWell, it’s happened again. Yesterday I ran into someone that everyone thinks is dead. Why it always happens to me is a mystery. In any case, who should I spot leaving a yoga studio, with a catcher’s mitt no less? Why it’s Yogi Berra!

Yogi! My man! How are you? And what are you doing here at a yoga studio? And what’s with the catchers mitt?

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.

There you go. Another classic Yogi answer.

I never said most of the things I said.

Sure. I have that problem too. Where are you headed?

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

Exactly. But just like in baseball, you need to master the mental part in order to build winning teams.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

So true. Why do you think you had some of those awful losing seasons?

We made too many wrong mistakes.

Yep, I get that. Is it possible that those teams just needed to practice more?

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

I think I follow that logic. But you always swore that you could learn a lot just by closely observing the way the team played.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

So true. And nobody’s perfect.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

I was just thinking the other day that so many of the Yankee greats like Mantle and Ford have left us for the great diamond in the sky.

You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.

That’s the truth. Speaking of the truth, over the years there have been a great many stories about you.

Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true.

So what’s ahead for you? What are your plans?

The future ain’t what it used to be.

So I’ve heard. There are a lot of baseball fans who would like to know Yogi Berra’s secret to managing a winning team. Can you sum it up for them?

In baseball, you don’t know nothing.

Well said. So long Yogi!

Jay Harrison is a writer and creative consultant for DesignConcept. You can also visit his author page here. His newest mystery novel, Rio Puerco Demise is available on Amazon. His first mystery novel, Head Above Water, is also available on Amazon. But that’s not all. You can also purchase the Best of BoomSpeak on Amazon.

Filed Under: FICTION

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