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Busted Brands

February 3, 2020 By admin

Jell-O, Crocs, Kodak, Wheaties. Say bye bye. Ya busted!

Millennials now dominate when it comes to spending power. As in more than any generation in history. And what do these millennials spend their money on? A more pertinent question from the baby boomer point of view is what are they not buying?

Like I said, Jell-O, Crocs, Kodak and Wheaties are on the way out. Diet Pepsi? Forget about it! Millennials prefer sparkling water. Crocs? There’s a bunch of knock-offs and aren’t they bad for your feet. Wheaties? Who has time to get out a bowl and who keeps milk in the frig? A breakfast burrito and a smoothie on the go works for these big spenders.

What about Campbell’s Soup? Too many preservatives and hinky ingredients. They want something that looks and sounds healthy.

Budweiser? Not the King of Beers any longer. Even boomers have jumped on the craft beer wagon and that is just way too much competition for Bud.

Kodak? Do we have to mention that everyone has gone digital when it comes to photography? Sidenote: You may have missed it, but Kodak declared bankruptcy in 2012.

Jell-O? Where to start? Boomers think about it as colonoscopy prep, hideous dessert rings and associations with Bill Cosby. Millennials don’t think about it at all. And when they see it in the grocery store, they are surprised it’s still being sold.

Chef Boyardee? How did that even get on the roster of busted brands? Even boomers are surprised that it’s still being made. Millennials are happy to get many things out of a can, but spaghetti and meatballs are not what they have in mind.

Victoria’s Secret? It’s no secret that this brand is fading fast. Skinny models in skimpy underwear is so yesterday. The glam is gone and pretty soon so will the stores in just about every mall in America.

Kenmore. Yep, the appliance brand that used to stand for quality is going down with the ship, or in this case, down with Sears, which makes it a twofer. Boomers fondly remember the Sears catalog as a dream machine where one could imagine all the things you could buy. Millennials may have never walked through a Sears store.

Boomers may not be sorry to see these brands go, but in some ways it’s sad that millennials will miss out on the glory days when sugary, crunchy cereals was combined with cold milk to start the day off right. Sugar Pops are Tops!

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. His mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also visit his author page here.

Filed Under: ESSAY

For Want of a Horse

February 3, 2020 By admin

She would be much a woman, quite able to express her thoughts and feelings. (“Tall is good. I like tall.”) She’d be able to talk about herself in favorable terms (“I’m not the kind that sleeps around.”) Most of all, she would ask the right questions.

“How about a drink? On the house.”

“That would be lovely. I was hoping for a chance to talk.”

“What’ll it be? Gin and tonic maybe?”

“Perfect. Beefeater’s, if you have it”

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself up there. Is it really that much fun to play guitar?”

“Most of the time. This is pretty much an ideal gig for me. All three of us are songwriters, so there’s never a shortage of new material. And we keep getting better, knock on wood.”

“There you go. Did you grow up here in Colorado?”

“Houston, actually. My parents both worked for NASA. They wanted me to be a rocket scientist, or a doctor at least, but once I heard Chuck Berry I never looked back.”

“Is music any way to make a living?”

“Not unless you get lucky and write some decent songs. I count on those royalty checks.”

“Tell me about your guitar. What’s that shiny thing?”

“Oh boy. You ask a lot of questions.”

“Can’t help it. It’s what bartenders do, and I write for the Denver Post as a day job. So, tell me about the guitar.”

“Cheers, and thanks. As a reporter, you’ll want the facts: I’ve owned and played a lot of guitars, but this one is special. She’s known as the Boxcar Model, made by Gretsch. That’s the company that built instruments for Chet Atkins, among others.

“The ‘shiny thing’ you asked about is a decorative cover plate protecting the circular resonator cone located inside the body of the guitar. That’s where things get interesting. If you peek in there you’ll see a spun aluminum device that reflects the sound made when you strike the strings and sends it back toward the audience, only louder.”

“Hmmm. Sort of a mechanical amplification system instead of electronic?”

“Exactly. The resonator was invented in the 1920’s by two brothers in California, Ed and Rudy Dopyera. They patented the device with a trademark based on their names, and called it ‘Dobro’, which is a Slavic word that translates as ‘excellent.’

“The company made and sold resonators for mandolins, banjos, even bass fiddles. There were complete orchestras of resonator equipped instruments. Then the electric guitar was invented and everything changed. Any more questions?”

Harpeth Rivers is a writer, musician and happy homeowner still living and working in New Mexico. Check out his latest book, Proof, an illustrated fable, on Amazon.

 

Filed Under: FICTION

Encore?

February 3, 2020 By admin

It’s a Wednesday morning, 8:00am, and the traffic comes to a standstill on the highway between Hendersonville, where I live, and Asheville, where I recently started a 20-hour per week job as Director of Development for a small non-profit. The sun is in my eyes, my bladder is full, and I know I will be late for the weekly staff meeting if the traffic doesn’t start moving soon.

Wait. Didn’t I joyfully give up this 45-minute commute a year ago when I retired? Didn’t I feel I was no longer recognized or appreciated or needed as the grant writer for the huge non-profit where I had worked for 20 years? Didn’t I relish the freedom of time and choice I gained when I walked away from it? Yes, yes, and yes. So what am I doing slurping coffee from my travel mug and making this commute again?

Truth be told, there were moments during that first year of retirement when I felt adrift. I did yoga, exercised at the gym, engaged in crafts such as weaving and rug hooking, and spent time writing. I adjusted to being on Medicare and social security, and felt fairly secure about my financial health. But sometimes, when I let myself feel it, I felt a little bit invisible, a little bit restless. And then the opportunity to work part-time was dropped in my lap, doing fundraising for a cause I believe in, with people I genuinely like. I don’t know how long I can do this, I told them. That’s okay, they said, we just really need you right now. It didn’t require a special wardrobe, and I could work mostly from home, except for a few on-site meetings each month. While 20 hours a week suddenly seems like a lot, the padding of my bank account feels good, and even better is the recognition and appreciation for my skills and experience.

“So this is your encore career,” someone comments at a party. Well, one thing I know for sure is this. When the applause from this encore fades, or it no longer feeds a lingering desire for more structure and definition to my days, I will take my last bow and gracefully exit the stage. I will return to the freedom and self-determination I tasted when I first retired, and maybe, just maybe start on that novel I always said I would write.

Lee Stevens is a joyful writer and mostly wise elder in Hendersonville, NC

Filed Under: ESSAY

So Witty

January 14, 2020 By admin

I vividly remember seeing Oscar Levant on Jack Parr and thinking that he was the wittiest and most clever person I ever had the privilege of hearing. Then I read his book, Memoirs of an Amnesiac, and I was sold. Concert pianist and composer were his main callings, but for me his brilliant and spontaneous wit was the main attraction.

So it came as a real shock to bump into Levant as I was entering the dentist’s office and he was leaving.

Oscar Levant! Am I glad to see you!

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”

Okay, but I’m not the only one to believe that you are/were a genius.

 “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”  

You object to being called a genius?

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.” 

But you’re joking about the insanity thing.

 “I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.”  

That can’t be true.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”

You look good though.

“Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.”

Millions of people still adore your wit and talent.

“It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.”

That’s harsh.

“I’m controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me” 

You made a lot of people happy.

“Happiness isn’t something you experience, it’s something you remember.”

Are you working on anything new? 

“So little time and so little to do.” 

But you must be in demand for talk shows.

“I’ve stepped on too many toes on the way down.”

But you would have a lot to say about what’s going on now in our world.

“It’d be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.”

Maybe you just need to get more rest.

“I had always resented sleep as an intrusion on my nocturnal self-pity”

Ah, the amnesia thing still has a grip on you. Well, I’ll let you go but I just had to tell you how much I, we, have missed you.

“In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.”

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. His mystery novel, Head Above Water, is available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also visit his author page here.

 

 

Filed Under: FICTION

Fore!

January 14, 2020 By admin

More people-watching yesterday. I went out as a single and got paired up with a threesome – a married couple and their friend. The married couple appeared to have a large age difference. It’s hard to tell, but he looked to be about 20 or 30 years older than her.

I’ve played with them before, and I nicknamed them the love birds. Every other word is babe this, babe that. They walk off the green holding hands. I know … how awful … a loving couple having fun together. Imagine! I guess I’m a little more buttoned up when it comes to public displays of affection.

Aside from all my judgmental observations, they are quite nice to play with. Interestingly, they don’t putt anything out. One putt, and if it doesn’t go in, they pick up the ball. I have no idea how they score, and I’m guessing they don’t care, which is kind of cool. I wish I were that laid back. The other thing is he stands behind her on nearly every shot and gives “feedback” on her swing. I’d kill him, but that’s me.

I was busy trying to play my game and didn’t give them much thought until the drive home. I was thinking love has no age limit. I don’t know the backstory, so I started imagining various scenarios.

What if she had been dying in the hospital, and he was her doctor? He saved her and taught her to play golf so they could live happily every after. Or perhaps she was a victim of human trafficking, and he was the private detective who found her and saved her from a life of ruin. I guess I had that whole Pretty Woman thing in my head. She could have been the one who rescued him from an otherwise miserable life. Or maybe they met on the golf course a month ago and haven’t fallen out of love yet.

Then I thought, maybe she just looks young. Maybe they’ve been married forever and have a passel of children and grandchildren. Of course, none of this is any of my business, and in the grand scheme of things, I don’t care. I just like to fill my head with idle speculation about other people’s lives. It’s actually an improvement over the rest of the voices in my head.

They say golf can be a metaphor for life. Certainly, I’ve encountered some annoying people on and off the golf course, but I’m learning to appreciate the characters out there, and I am all the better for it.

Donna Pekar is an aging badass (for real) who lives in California and writes Retirement Confidential.

 

 

Filed Under: ESSAY

Balance

January 14, 2020 By admin

Poised on the threshold of Old Age, I teeter precariously. Doctors say balance is the first thing to go, that we must build up our core to counteract the dizzying effects of aging . . .

If I keep upright, I risk repeating the actions and reactions I have practiced so well these last thirty years: taking the trains, dodging commuters and tourists and traffic on the busy Manhattan streets, securing the lid tightly on my sip-as-you-go decaf latte, stepping to the same 9 to 5 dance music, uttering the tried-and-true words of comfort, scratching my brain to come up with yet another enriching employee event, reconfiguring the benefit package to gain a few points of improvement. I risk losing it when fellow workers devolve into pettiness, narrowness of perspective, meanness. I’ve heard it all before. My brain will slow down to a canter and go on automatic for a spell.

Suppose I tip backwards, will I ever get up again? My friend, Sherry, insists if we retire, the next waystation is Death! I’ll be condemned to sit on my haunches and helpless, observe the crumbling of my external skeleton, the ominous sounds of my infrastructure dissolving. Creaking joints, bones leeching calcium, misaligned sockets. Laziness may overcome schedules, food and other forms of self-indulgence take on more meaning than they are entitled to have. Getting and spending. Spending and more getting. My life may be defined by a trip to the grocery store, a walk around the block, a perch on the window sill? Will I manage to sit back and take it easy, waiting. . . until the dying of the light?

As the years advance if I manage to stand upright and in place, what will sustain me? Certainly not the sad ruminations about certain family members who have fallen on bad times, friends who disappoint, strangers who look right past me.

My inclination is to lean slightly forward, advance a step of two, more calmly and deliberately than I’m used to but nevertheless oriented in the right direction. The more steps I take, the more confidence I will have. I can once again be Janet the explorer, not certain of my destination, but savvy enough to know the road runs not straight but forks into many separate paths. And if I fall on my face, what have I lost? I just need to find friends to accompany me on my quest.

Janet Garber lives in Somers, NY and is still on her feet.

Filed Under: ESSAY

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