I am, perhaps for the first time in my life, consciously drifting.
The word—drifting–has long carried negative connotations for me, conjuring images of lethargy and passivity. It suggests surrendering control rather than seizing it. In my world, to describe someone as “drifting through life” means they lack purpose and energy.
Plus, drifting rhymes with “grifting,” which only deepens its negative associations.
So, when I first realized that I was drifting through my days, I became alarmed. “Uh oh, I better start getting purposeful…fast.” But then I started imagining the “lazy river” section of a water park, where one floats gently on an inner tube, letting the current carry them along. This form of drifting provides a sense of weightlessness and peace. Next, I pictured a log drifting down a river under a warm, blue sky. I began to think of drifting as less about fecklessness, and more about surrendering to the journey rather than focusing on the destination.
Plus, the lazy river is circular, you end up where you started. Is that such a bad thing? I don’t want to be stagnant, but maybe I like the idea of returning home each day.
Drifting is very different from being adrift. Being adrift implies being lost at sea, a tiny speck in a vast, uncharted ocean. In contrast, drifting along a river provides the comfort of nearby shores, making it relatively easy to steer toward solid ground if I really need or want to.
Even as I grow increasingly comfortable with the notion of drifting, I recognize it’s only an interlude. Life’s currents invariably intensify, necessitating decisive action sooner or later. On the other side of the bend, I could be headed toward dangerous waterfalls, or cliffs, or the current might send me spiraling toward a rock. Or maybe I’ll just get sick of the circular motion depositing me where I started every day and yearn for a dramatically different landscape, pace and experience.
At that point, my nature and external events will compel me to make a more deliberate move. It’s just a matter of time.
Until then, I drift.
Johanna Wald lives in Dedham, MA
