BoomSpeak

It’s All About the ‘Tude

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Acute neck painGot a bad attitude about aging? The aches and pains wearing you down?  Afraid you won’t make it past 80? Is that what’s bugging you bubby?

A recent article in the NY Times extols a change of mindset. When you read that you may be thinking, “well if I could change my mindset that easily, I wouldn’t be depressed about aging.”

Sure, the experts say, having a positive mindset is conducive to aging well. The article cited a study that showed that those with a positive attitude about getting older lived seven and half years longer than those with a bad (read that as negative) attitude. Crikey. If it’s that easy to pick up seven years, why isn’t everyone doing it?

Ahh – that’s the crux of the problem right there. It’s not that easy to have a positive attitude when your hip hurts, your knee creaks, your hearing is fading, and your blood pressure is rising.

Platitudes don’t work, that’s for sure. When someone who has not seen you in 10 years tells you that you haven’t aged a bit, feel free to kick them in the shins and see if they think you still have a great attitude.

What does work? You need to actively promote positive aging beliefs according to experts. Start analyzing your own beliefs about aging. Do you moan about the bad knee, the hair loss, or the tennis game that’s not what it used to be? Find some role models of positive aging. You know they are out there. There’s the 90 year-old diver, a rare case for sure, but there’s also the 80 year-old who is still going to yoga classes. You can’t force positivity or paper over the genuine health issues, but experts believe that positive images of aging can improve your attitude and your physical function.

One example that hit home is the man whose left hip was aching much of the time, which in turn made him cranky about aging. When it was pointed out that his right hip was as old as the left and it was pain-free, it made him think that maybe his physical condition wasn’t so bad after all.

That’s a segue to the last advice for aging boomers. Try to remind yourself that with age comes the acquisition of useful information and wisdom.

That never gets old.

Jay Harrison is a writer and creative consultant for DesignConcept. His newest mystery novel, Rio Puerco Demise is available on Amazon. His first mystery novel, Head Above Water, is also available on Amazon. But that’s not all. You can also purchase the Best of BoomSpeak on Amazon.

Miracle

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Chevy Chase streetLast summer I discovered that death plus time can bring about a certain miracle: it restores to us the way they were.

When my older sister turned 70, she asked that all five siblings get together. It had been four years since our mother died, and 13 since the death of my father. After batting around options of where to meet up, we came to a quick consensus—to go “home” to Chevy Chase, Maryland, a suburb of Washington D.C.

My brother drove us from one landmark to another—starting with the house where we grew up, to the drug store where I had my first job, to the park where I learned to play tennis, to our elementary and high schools, and, finally, dinner at the restaurant located a mile from our childhood home.

The residential neighborhoods looked remarkably similar, just spiffed up. The cars outside were fancier, the homes freshly manicured, painted, and renovated.

But those streets were eerily quiet. I remember them as teeming with children moving in and out of each other’s homes, playing kickball in the middle of those wide roads, dogs roaming freely, pooping wherever.

The emptiness practically begged to be populated with ghosts from my past. Then and now quickly blurred as I spotted my mother, wearing bobby socks and loafers, walking down the street carrying groceries. This was a very different iteration of the powerhouse legal figure she later became; rather I observed this slightly distracted, multi-tasking 30-something trained lawyer who practiced a form of “benign neglect” childrearing as she crafted legal briefs on a manual typewriter on the dining room table.

And then I caught glimpses of my dad–the gentle, affectionate, adventurous father who took us on barefoot walks in puddles after rainstorms, mixed iced tea with lemonade before Arnold Palmer, and occasionally let us ride on the roof of his car down the street. He loved to take us to department stores so we could ooh and ahh at the color television sets, still beyond our reach.

These were the “before” versions of my parents: before assassinations, wars and corruption knocked the political idealism out of them, before five teens and two demanding careers in one household threatened to collapse under its own weight at times.

Rather, I saw a young, idealistic Jewish/Catholic legal couple who moved to DC in the early 1950’s intent on using the law for noble purposes, produced five children in rapid fire succession, and then tried valiantly to combine political activism with legal careers and loving, if slightly chaotic, parenting.

They were engaging, lively company and it felt good to welcome them home after such a long absence.

Johanna Wald is a freelance writer, living in Massachusetts, who has been published in literary magazines and publications including slate.com, salon.com, the Huffington Post, and the Marshall Project.

Waiting

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Waiting room and clockSitting in the waiting room at the auto dealership recently: some folks studied cell phones, one man scoped the newspaper, one lady knit, one guy just looked straight ahead. All in a holding pattern: waiting in the waiting room. Can’t go anywhere when your car’s in the shop. We were all immobilized, for the moment. How many other times have I felt stuck on pause—awaiting? Just all of my life. Like for mouth-open dentist prods. Or knee taps in the doctor’s office. Or final grades to graduate…hopefully. It’s all about timing, waiting for the right moment to finally arrive. And if we have been good kids, we’ve learned important life-lessons like, “Children should be seen and not heard”? But now that I’m a grown-up, when do we finally get to be seen, if not heard? I’m not a child, anymore. Do we always need to respect this semi-robotic, ‘shh, be still’ state? Isn’t there a time when we can finally ask, to take the initiative, to move?

Where does life-long, self-controlled, time/place reticence come from? Is it first grade — ‘raise your hand to speak’? Is it waiting for the coach to launch us into the game? Or does it come from teaching, ‘sit…stay!’ to our pets, our kids and even to ourselves. Is it possible that we can get so habituated to pausing our turn, being polite, giving others a chance that deferring becomes the norm? Alright, some situations demand patience, timing and turns—waiting for a bus, for an elevator, for an old lady to finish crossing the street. (She would have to be a lot older than me. BTW) But what about the rest of the time? How much of our lives are like that…waiting to be born, to talk, to walk, to drive a car. Not to mention love, marriage, kids, job. When did we learn to just chill, to tolerate, to accept the process? Seems, a large part of maturing is based on biding time…waiting. Like a prisoner eking out a life sentence or a pregnant woman in a nine-month holding pattern. It’s about patience. Okay, there’s a place for that. But how about toddlers breaking into a dance=just because. Or a football player breaking a move after a touchdown. Or a married couple driving around with banging cans and honking horns. Maybe sometimes, we just gotta do it, let it out

Retired trainer, and writing instructor, Joe Novara lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Writings include novels, short stories, a memoir and various poems, plays, anthologies and articles. Read more at https://freefloatingstories.wordpress.com/

Backyard Abode?

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A tiny house in the back yardDon’t get me wrong. I think Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs) are a good thing. Loads of communities are altering their zoning to permit ADUs so that aging boomers can live in their kids’ backyard. So that’s a good thing, yes??

Hmm, maybe. Questions: Would the ADU go next to the grandkids’ swing-set or in the middle of the dog run? Will it be in the way when Sonny wants to hook up the big camper? Will it have a view of the neighbors’ yards (on three sides)? And speaking of neighbors, how are they going to feel about the new tiny home that’s now part of their backyard view?

That’s just the list of physical placement issues. What about the psychological pitfalls of having Mom and Dad in the backyard? Are they parents or tenants? Babysitters or more like AirBnB travelers?

You would be fooling yourself to believe that an ADU for one or more parents will have little to no effect on your lifestyle. Just the movement of your “guests” in and out of the property will take some getting used to. Will they have a vehicle? If so, where is it going to be parked? Can you picture Dad sideswiping your car trying to get out of the shared driveway?

Lastly, and it’s no small matter, your children have been out on their own for years. They broke free from the family home but here they are, many years later, pulled back into the fold. It may feel like you’ve exchanged roles; you’re more like the child and they are more like the parent. It could be mind altering (not in the good way).

No doubt ADUs will work for many families but I think that having a truly large yard and empathetic neighbors will be prerequisites for those considering this route. That and an endless amount of patience throughout the adjustment phase.

On the plus side (See? It’s not all bad) your offspring can make sure you are physically and mentally stable because they are going to see you every day. The ADU option can facilitate the transition to more intensive assisted living alternatives when the time comes.

Jay Harrison is a writer and creative consultant for DesignConcept. His newest mystery novel, Rio Puerco Demise is available on Amazon. His first mystery novel, Head Above Water, is also available on Amazon. But that’s not all. You can also purchase the Best of BoomSpeak on Amazon.

Online News Stand

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older couple in bed with heads stuck in their smart phonesI just spent thirty minutes scrolling-through and deep-digging into online news for nothing in particular while feeling like I was doing my duty to stay informed about the world at large. I can only think this phenomenon is like sitting at a bar and exchanging this and that with a buddy. It’s a way of finding out what’s going on in a scattered, fragmentary way instead of reading a tight, thoughtful editorial page (if one of those still exists).

News tabs on the computer cover everything from politics to crime, to freak shows, to new products you never thought you needed. And in case you are a bit ADD there are plenty of 10-second cut-aways to guys catching fish in some faraway place, foreigners creating exotic dishes and animals in the rut. Boats in storms, athletes on the edge, strange fruit and fish in mud puddles…it all adds up to a hi-tech version of another generation’s sideshow at the circus.

The part that’s annoying is that I like to be absorbed and distracted by all that ‘seeming worthwhile’ busy information. But, how come, at the end of all the featured ‘hold my beer challenges’ and ‘holy-moley’ imagination benders, there’s lingering distress for all the wasted time and attention rather than in-depth insight into human nature and the world at large? Of course, if your mind works at that level of data input then online smorgasbords are very satisfying. They require much less effort than critiquing wonky policy pieces, listening to media ‘experts’ and boring into right-brain treatises.

Sometimes the torrent of data washing over us reminds me of school where we had to study and consolidate large blocks of data for regular test-regurgitation. Can you imagine a web site where viewers would be asked to absorb and summarize what they just read in a coherent statement or answer a series of true/false questions based on fragmented, disjointed news? I guess the nature of online Google is not deep intellectual consolidation and viewpoint formulation but more like casual blather over a back fence or beers in a bar.

The online data give us a sense of being alert to and aware of current issues and happenings. Which it is…to an extent. But maybe that’s not all we need.

Retired trainer, and writing instructor, Joe Novara lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Writings include novels, short stories, a memoir and various poems, plays, anthologies and articles. Read more at https://freefloatingstories.wordpress.com/

Tut, Tut

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Egyptian PharoahIf you want to feel young, go to Egypt!

I used to shun Road Scholar when it was called Elder Hostel because I did not consider myself an “elder” nor would I ever stay in a hostel. Hats off to whomever did the rebranding! Once it became Road Scholar, I was willing to consider the program.

My husband and I went on our first organized tour this year Road Scholar Beyond the Pharoahs: Egypt Past and Present.

In my group the average age was 71. But don’t call us Road Scholars Old Scholars. We are people with vast life experience and an endless thirst for knowledge. The program included six lectures by Egyptian experts. Even though the talks were at 6 p.m. after an exhausting day of sightseeing, there was nearly 100 percent attendance.

There are two great features of Egypt for boomers.

First is the ridiculous antiquity of everything. How can you feel old when you learn that Ramses II was born in 1300 BC, and that the Temple of Luxor is 3423 years old? You get younger every day in Egypt.

Second-the Egyptians believed you can take it with you. So, if you are wrestling with what to do with your stuff, start building an underground tomb today. The Egyptians not only took their gold and jewels, but they also included a servant or two to help them in the afterlife, and their favorite cats to keep them company.

We saw The Great Pyramid, the only surviving of Seven Wonders of the World, the Sphinx and the Egyptian Museum of Art which holds the treasures of King Tut, and that was the first day. Egypt has so many wonders that you feel like you are adding a new scoop of ice cream to a cone every day. Just when you think you won’t see anything more amazing than the Temple of Karnak, you’ll be beyond amazed at the Valley of the Kings.

For those of you who don’t plan to take it with you, Egypt is the place to be spendy. Fifty Turkish pounds are the equivalent of just under one dollar. Credit card use is ill advised at bazaars, but you’ll have no trouble throwing cash around.

Don’t be afraid to throw Egypt into your Boomer Bucket List. You will be fully protected. You will feel amazement. And you may even feel young.

Margo Warren lives in Bethesda, MD   MargoOnthego.blogspot.com

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