You’ve seen the news about Orca whales attacking the rudders of ships off the Iberian coast? Animals gone amuck. A sci-fi movie for real. Well, I can relate in my own backyard way. I’ve got woodchucks…ground hogs…whatever you want to call them on my property, giving me a taste of nature in attack mode.
It started one morning when I went to my workshop in the basement where I have a large window-well above my chop saw. I cut a cleat for a box I was making, looked up and noticed a family of woodchucks in the bottom of the well staring at me like I was a chimpanzee in a zoo and they were visitors on the other side of the glass. So, I chucked a piece of wood. Scared them. But how much wood can you chuck at a…never mind. See, they were getting to me.
I had noticed a burrow in my flower garden. Well, more than noticed. I stepped into it. Up to my knee. Had a hell of a time getting my foot out. Limped around for a couple of days. Something had to be done. Since I live on the edge of a smallish city, I couldn’t fire a gun unnoticed or safely. I tried a live trap baited with cantaloupe. Groundhogs like cantaloupe in case you’re interested in their dietary habits. So, I caught one. Looked like one of the those in the window well. But with woodchucks, it’s hard to tell. Anyhow, this guy was not happy with me. Boy can they scowl.
Animal control couldn’t/wouldn’t help with disposing of the critter. So, I tried the humane thing of putting the trap in a wheelbarrow and trundling out to a nearby woods where he happily scurried into the brush. Two days later I spotted another ‘chuck nibbling my newly planted bean sprouts. I watched. He stared at me, as if to say, ‘Yes?’ Took another bite. Had a lot of attitude for someone who lives in a hole in the ground. Could it be the same guy I had exiled the day before? Hard to tell.
Caged him again. This time I got a can of day-glo orange spray paint, spritzed his tail before hauling him off to the woods. Next morning, I noticed a groundhog with an orange tail scurrying across my lawn. Caught him again. Boy, he must be cognitively challenged or a foody hooked on a fresh-fruit diet.
Time for another strategy to get him and his kin off my property. I bought a gizmo you attach to your tail pipe, put a blanket over the live trap, put both together in my garage and started the car. An hour later, I pulled back the blanket to find an angry woodchuck glaring at me. Maybe he didn’t appreciate having his tail painted?
So, anyway, when I see those posts about Orcas, I sure hope oceanographers can come up with better animal management strategies than I could.
Retired trainer, and writing instructor, Joe Novara lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Writings include novels, short stories, a memoir and various poems, plays, anthologies and articles. Read more at https://freefloatingstories.wordpress.com/
