Here I am, sitting patiently, waiting for the “word.” Many people have been asking me what my new year’s resolutions are. I patiently explain that I don’t know. I am awaiting my wife’s and daughters’ decisions on what they should be.
I thought that I had free will but I now believe that is in the past tense. I am north of seventy years old and apparently not capable of making goals for myself. I thought that I had been doing well over the years.
There was that year I resolved to gain weight. And I did, in spades.
When I was 69 my resolution was to live until I was 70. Mission accomplished.
Another year I resolved to have heart surgery. I didn’t think I was going to pull that one off. But then on December ninth I managed to sneak in an artificial heart valve.
In my forties, one January first had me resolving to make sure we had no bears in the back yard that year. Again, successful.
There was the year that I resolved to start a new fashion fad. Unfortunately, the wearing of the V-neck sweater backwards didn’t catch on. I still don’t understand since the wearing of baseball hats backwards did catch on.
Many years I would take the concept seriously. I would start about December 15th trying to make a list. Ideas would come. Objections would arise. A lack of real interest would seep in. Egotism was rampart. I felt that I was an awesome guy the way I was.
I did smoke from the age of eighteen till I was thirty-six. Several years in twenties my new years resolution was to stop smoking. And I did. That is until about 2:15 p.m., January 1st.
So now I await the wise ones’ dictums. I know that loosing weight will be there. Not snoring usually comes from the wife. Spending more time with my grandchildren will be forced upon me by two daughters and a son. Figuring out how to use my iPhone might show up.
I do realize that left to my own devices, the resolutions would be to increase my afternoon naps by 50 per cent, to move the word “dessert” to its plural form, to order a second remote so I can flip channels with both hands. As you can see these are the really important things in life.
Check with me on December 31st to see if I have anything to report.
Kenan Bresnan lives on H Street but he didn’t say where