BoomSpeak! Your Whole Life's In Front of You

fiction

What’s Your Hurry?

angry driver “I see you, asshole,” the words nearly machine-gunned from my mouth.

Looking in the rearview mirror, I could see the big SUV glued to the back of my car. The driver was close enough that I could read the impatient expression on his face.

“I am not going to run my car off the road so you can get to work a minute earlier, you know what I mean.”

Just because I have a head of gray hair doesn’t mean I’m some old fogy behind the wheel. Wait a second. Is that true? Have I turned into an old fogy and just didn’t notice? I’m still passing other drivers who are going too slow for me. That should say something, right? tailgating suv What’s that old joke? If they pass you going 10 miles per hour faster they’re idiots, and if they are going 10 mph slower they're morons.

I am talking to myself more when I drive on the highway these days, that’s for sure. And the most often used expression? That’s easy. “People are crazy.” I say it when I see the guy changing lanes with five feet to spare between cars going 75 mph. I say it when I see someone pull into fast moving traffic from an intersection with barely a glance at the oncoming cars. I say it when I see someone talking on their cellphone while oblivious to all the cars backed up behind them in the left lane. I say it when I see a guy trying to read the newspaper laying on his steering wheel while doing 70 mph. Or the woman weaving around in her lane as she puts on her eye makeup.

And now here I am with a guy stuck on my back bumper. I’ve got nowhere to go because the car in front of me has five cars in front of him and there’s no rearview mirror blur place to get over to the right lane without cutting off a car there. And even if I could get over, then what? He would be one car closer to the line of cars ahead. So what’s the point? The point is he would be one car closer and he would achieve this miraculous feat at my expense.

“I don’t think so douchebag,” I yell as I look in the rearview mirror. Can he read my lips? I hope so, but I doubt it.

Then I watch in awe as he swerves to the right, cutting off a car in the right lane, and flies off the exit ramp. If he was getting off anyway, why the hell was he driving up my ass?

People are crazy.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

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