Mom and Dad Are Having --- Sex?

56 FordI’ll tell when I first knew that not everything was what I thought it was. Mom and Dad went away for a long weekend vacation on Cape Cod, leaving the four rat bastards behind. It’s okay not to feel sorry for us, because they really never took very many trips where they dragged us along, because we really never went on any family vacations period. Boo-hoo, we got over it.

So the green bomber 56 Ford is back in the driveway, which is my cue to get out the hose and buckets to clean the hulk up. The main reason I took charge of carwashing is that it required that I have the keys to move the car in the driveway. It’s where I learned to drive a three-speed on the column. You can get very trojan horsegood with the clutch after hours of practice.

I remember it had some sort of irridescent green paint that always seemed to have an oily film on it no matter how many times you washed and waxed it. Maybe it was some sort of modern auto paint miracle but the finish looked like a Japanese beatle without wings.

So the outside is done and it’s time to drag the vacuum out on a long extension cord and get the sand off the rubber flooring. Our dad bought the cheapest models (give him a break - there were four kids to feed) so there was no carpeting or mats. Mostly I sucked a lot of sand off the floor and the seats. Then I unlocked the glove compartment and there it was staring me in the face (the one with the jaw dropped). A box of condoms. A fourteen year old boy may not (make that does not) know much, but I knew what condoms were in 1961. I quickly slammed the condom packageglovebox door closed and pondered my next move. One of the older boys up the street carried a condom in his wallet -- it was probably three years old, but we were impressed. I didn’t own a wallet but I did have an older brother. When he came out and looked inside the glovebox, he looked as startled as I did.

I never asked him what was going through his mind, but I know what I was thinking. Up to that point in my life I had assumed that sex was procreational. Moms and Dads had sex and then Mom had a baby. For some reason, it never entered my mind that Mom and Dad would have sex for recreational purposes. It put the sex act and my parent’s relationship in a whole new light. The next day when I checked, the glovebox was unlocked and the condoms were gone -- but not forgotten.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

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