I recently read and highly recommend an essay in the NY Times by Roger Rosenblatt entitled Ain’t Dead Yet. He lists rules for the elderly to keep themselves elderly (as opposed to the alternative). Examples include “Marry above your station” and “Don’t share despair.” His book is entitled “More Rules for Aging.”
One rule in particular struck a chord for me, mainly because it was something I like to think I’ve been doing for much of my life. He advises that we Don’t forget to bestow confidence.
How right he is because it is so easy to forget and yet it is such an invaluable habit. Perhaps because I’ve somehow grown up thinking I can do things that it turns out I cannot, but the habit of telling others, “You can do this” is so affirmational that it’s a shame more of us fail to do it or do it often enough.
Whether it is a loved one, a friend or even a stranger, consider what a gift you bestow on them when you declare they can achieve a goal that is before them. Rosenblatt sees it as the ultimate act of love and I agree. However, it’s just as powerful when you put it out there for anyone who is plagued by self-doubt.
Bear in mind I’m not suggesting you encourage a stranger to do something dangerous or foolhardy, but watching someone agonize over attempting an overhead tennis lob or some other comparable physical test almost always makes me want to shout, “You can do this!” More often than not, that is what I tell them.
Think about the effect that it can have on someone. As Rosenblatt points out, you’re wishing them the experience of inner satisfaction as well as the pride of achievement. I’m assuming that the recipient of your encouragement actually is able to hit that lob. And if they don’t? So what. They dared to try and that should count for a lot when it comes to one’s self-respect. Rosenblatt uses the word “bestow” which I found to be clever when I thought about it more. Isn’t that a word we use when offering a gift or an accolade?
Jay Harrison is a writer and creative consultant for DesignConcept. His most recent mystery novel, Rio Puerco Demise is available on Amazon. His first mystery novel, Head Above Water, is also available on Amazon. But that’s not all. You can also purchase the Best of BoomSpeak on Amazon.
