It was our mother’s 1960-something Good Housekeeping Magazine that helped ease my sister’s loneliness and gave her hope for future happiness. Growing up, I always sensed that Elaine was different from me and our peers. In photos of our 1950s Easter Sundays, I posed in pastel dresses, teased hair and frontward knee, our younger brother in a little-boy-suit, squinting against the sun. Elaine, the oldest, towered over us, donning a dress, hat, and handbag. The outfit was her size, but none of what she wore seemed to fit her.
The photos reflect her anguish in a world where she felt lost and alone. Elaine’s passions were reading, watching TV, and biting her nails. It could be a sweltering 96̊ and still, she’d plant herself on the porch with a book and settle in for hours of reading and nail-biting.
Our brother was off being a boy while I barricaded myself in the bathroom to splash on my mother’s Jean Nate, use her makeup, and fuss with my hair.
Sometime in our twenties, as our brother traveled through Australasia, Elaine asked me to meet her for dinner. Finally, she drew a deep breath and said, “I had no idea I was normal (she used air quotes) until I read an article in Mom’s magazine. A mother wrote about her journey to love and embrace her daughter, a lesbian. I felt like that woman knew me…she gave me a name. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel alone in the world.”
We told our parents together. Our mother hugged Elaine tightly, cried, and said she’d always love her for who she was. Our father reached for his keys and left the house; it was the last time he’d speak to her. Like others of our generation who ‘came out,’ Elaine also endured hurdles at work and the cruelty of strangers. As witness to this torment, I wanted badly to strike back whereas Elaine turned away and ushered me along with her usual grace and fortitude.
Today, Elaine’s retired, owns a home, and is still addicted to TV, books, and nail-biting. Elaine’s married and at her wedding, she asked that we remember those who came before her and her wife Barbara, on whose shoulders they now stand. Their wedding photos reveal Elaine dressed in clothing that fits her, clothes of her own choosing. She’s facing the sun, smiling, brimming with joy and belonging.
Bev Mondillo Wright, a writer who lives in Providence, Rhode Island
