Before my husband died of cancer, we loved traveling—especially planning our trips together. We would sit on the couch, reviewing hotels and destinations before booking everything ourselves. Just before his diagnosis, we had planned a trip to the South of France, the Loire Valley, and Paris. When he got sick, we had to cancel, but everything was refunded except for a boutique hotel in Montmartre. After many emails, they let me postpone my stay, which led me to take my first solo trip to France two months after his passing. Sitting at a rooftop bar with a view of the Eiffel Tower, I cried, heartbroken.
I envy women who seem comfortable dining alone. The idea of exposing my solo status in a restaurant fills me with anxiety, so I usually stay home and cook. While I enjoy my own company, I struggle with eating alone in public. Photography is my comfort, but I can’t exactly snap pictures of everyone in a restaurant.
This discomfort led me to explore group travel. A glossy catalog introduced me to a South of France tour similar to the one my husband and I had planned. Since I booked late, solo rooms were full, so I was paired with a roommate. Over the phone, we shared common interests, which seemed promising.
She arrived before me, and when I entered our room, I found a cramped, dark space, clothes strewn everywhere, and the twin beds pushed together. She lay sprawled in pink-and-white striped pajamas, resembling an escapee from Barbie prison. The bellboy inched my suitcase in as she groggily sat up with wild hair. “I can’t do this,” I told him, but there were no other rooms.
Lack of sleep and grief made everything unbearable. Most of the group were couples, with suspicious wives intercepting conversations. The few single women included a mother-daughter duo I didn’t click with and a couple where one partner was friendly, but the other hovered anxiously. I spent ten days feeling alone despite being surrounded by people.
For future trips, I sought smaller groups with shared interests. If you’re considering a group tour, here are my suggestions:
- Travel with a friend—don’t expect to make one.
- Pick tours that attract like-minded people.
- Find trips centered around your passions (art, photography, writing, etc.).
- Call tour operators with specific questions.
- Book your own hotel and join small local tours.
For baby boomers, companies like Road Scholar, ElderTreks, and Overseas Adventure Travel cater to solo travelers. Research well to find the right fit.
Jenny Pivor is a photo-based artist who looks for the poetry in the visual, and the visual in her writing. She sometimes combines the two as in her upcoming book of poems, It’s a Little Bit Skimpy, that couples her images and poetry. jennypivorfineart.com
